Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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