you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize