half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
birth control should be required to get into college
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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