Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
