I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Randomize
