just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
