And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Did I show you my penis last night?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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