ya dads aren't the best wingmen
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
