Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize