Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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