Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
