it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Say something about gay babies.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
