soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize