are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
