I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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