i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize