to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
