She said her name was "party"
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
