Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Im part way to drunk.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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