My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
