Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize