You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
The beer is more important than you right now.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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