I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
