sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
