1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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