This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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