How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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