yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
