are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
