Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
