Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize