1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
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