Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
