while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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