haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
