I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
