I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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