I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
