i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Semen is not good for contacts.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
