Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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