Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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