marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
