Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize