Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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