I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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