It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
