i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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