these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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