jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
