I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
