after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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