She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
