I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
