How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
zippers are such a cool invention
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
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