I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Randomize
