There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
