dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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