I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize