We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
