So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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