I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
