i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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