she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
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