we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
