you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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