Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
