sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
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