i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
