I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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